How to not be desperate on Mother’s Day as you wait to grow your family.
Here we go again.
Another Mother’s Day with empty arms and a full heart ready to love, that has started to feel chipped, worn, and maybe even a little bit broken.
Oh dear friend, if you feel this way I know your silent pain.
The waiting is hard and feels never-ending.
For each of us, this wait may look a little different.
Maybe you and your spouse both agreed before you got married to wait X amount of years after marriage before starting your family, but you still long to start now.
Or possibly you’ve reached the end of those allotted years and your spouse still isn’t ready.
Perhaps you’ve tried for years to conceive or you’ve just started IVF, or you can’t afford IVF.
You could be trying to adopt (like us) or be struggling through a miscarriage for the first or even 5th time.
Whatever your wait, I know how hard this time of year is, this will be my 8th.
I wish I could say it gets easier each year, but honestly, it hasn’t for me.
At the beginning of the year, I begged Roger to run away with me on a weekend getaway anywhere (I’d happily pay any cost) on Mother’s Day weekend.
I wished to get away because I didn’t want a repeat of previous years, I needed something to look forward to, and I just wanted a break.
Because the longer you wait to grow your family, the more you’ll receive unasked for advice and painful comments about your state of life.
Which is why I feel it’s so important to share this Mother’s Day that the wait is hard not because there is an empty hole in my heart or soul that can only to be filled with children, but because I believe God placed the desire of motherhood in my heart before I was even born for a purpose I do not yet know.
One of the lessons God has taught me over years of waiting to grow our family is the importance of not trying to fill my heart with anything that is temporary, whether that be travel, shopping, entertainment, etc.
Because no matter how far we try to escape in this world we cannot and will not ever fill a hole that can only be filled with God.
Our hearts will only become full once we accept God’s everlasting and unconditional love. Which luckily is a free gift.
And if we fall victim to the hope that children will fill that missing spot in our lives we will be sorely disappointed. Because even children are temporary.
I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying “babies don’t keep.” They may be yours to raise for a time, but eventually, they grow up and become their own thriving independent individuals.
I am not, and can not, ever become desperate for a child because I choose to keep God at the center of my heart.
But filling my heart up with God is a daily choice.
This choice doesn’t make waiting any easier, but it does allow me more time to prepare my heart and my arms for God’s children.
Because whether a child comes naturally, through IVF, embryo adoption, foster care, or open adoption, every child is first and foremost a child of God.
And yes, some days I’ll want to escape with my husband to a sandy beach to avoid something or someone, eat a dozen donuts after seeing my social media feed fill with joyous announcements, or maybe even do a little online retail therapy.
That’s not because I am desperate, I’m human, sometimes it feels good to physically do something while we wait for God to guide us on our journey to parenthood.
But if you feel like your heart is missing something right now, I want to encourage you to seek God in prayer and ask Him to fill that void.
And believe me when I say I’m not advising this because I’ve crossed the finish line into perfection, but rather I know the struggle personally.
God has taught me so many lessons over my 8 years of waiting and I know He still has many more to teach as I can be an impatient and stubborn student.
Luckily, He hasn’t grown tired of teaching and reteaching me lessons of love.
If you would like some extra prayers today please feel free to message me. I’d love to be a listening ear or a friend to pray with.
For those interested in reading more of my confessions from the heart click here.
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With love, Giusti
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 40:1 NIV
